Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
