Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
