I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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