No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This house was built for laser tag.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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