I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
