hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
