Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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