so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
