So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
foreskin is a definite game changer
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
