You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
