You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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