I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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