Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
