we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
