so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
