i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
