I am in a vortex of obligation.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
