He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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