dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
