his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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