remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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