I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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