woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
