Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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