I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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