Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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