i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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