idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
another moral hangover. fuck.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize