It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
