Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
