you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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