Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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