just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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