Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
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First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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