can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
