I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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