I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
