i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
