In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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