Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
