that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
