Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
