3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
