Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
