My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize