My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
