Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
