I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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