I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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