Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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