he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
