this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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