if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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