Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
