Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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