I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
