turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
