just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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