Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
im six kinds of drunk right now
my being single is dangerous.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
