i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
