Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
