oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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