Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
