my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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