This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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