can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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