Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
