I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
