IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
