I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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