Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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