and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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