I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i now understand why vodka
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
