"it" just moved
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
