I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
