I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
