you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
