"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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