Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
