Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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