are you still at the devil's house?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
